Janice's Story

No fists, no bruises, no sudden slaps in the night. Instead there were threats, phone calls and the wearing down of the soul.

This, too, is abuse and it's something no woman should have to go through. For Independent National Sales Director Janice Connell, it was more than ten years ago, but she remembers it like it was yesterday.

Janice was an Independent Sales Director and single mother when her abuse started. "He was the father of my child and we weren't married or living together. My daughter was four-and-a-half when it started and seven-and-a-half when it ended," she says. "He would wait by my house when I came in at night, he would make harassing phone calls, trying to control my behaviour and it eventually escalated to him trying to run me off the road one day and threatening my life. He emotionally abused me, which took so much from me, as a person. I was frightened and I would go to my friends' homes to stay to get away from him."

It's only looking back that Janice realized that she was being abused. She says, "I didn't think I was being abused because it wasn't the 'typical' situation - I wasn't hit and he didn't have any financial control over us. My friends knew what was going on, but it took educating myself to realize that, yes, I was being abused and I had to get out."

Yet Janice was hesitant to charge him. "I didn't want to get him 'in trouble' or have him lose his job. I also thought that charging him would make the situation worse." When Janice was ready, charges were laid and the case went to trial; however, Janice found herself once again victimized - this time by the justice system. He was found innocent, a credible witness and he was released.

Devastated, Janice resolved to fix her situation. "I had to decide how I wanted to live my life. My faith was - and is - very important to me. Did I want to live in fear or in faith?" says Janice. "Also, I wanted my daughter to see a strong woman in her mother." Eventually, Janice taped an encounter with him, and with this and other evidence, went to trial one more time. This time, he was found guilty.

For Janice, this experience opened her eyes to many things - among them that abuse comes in many shapes and forms. She says, "When I went to the police and then to a shelter, I had people tell me that I wasn't the 'typical' abused woman. I had my independence because I was working for myself as a Mary Kay Independent Sales Director. But there I was, in a woman's shelter."

There is an ending to Janice's story and it is one of forgiveness. "I forgave my abuser, both as part of my faith and as a way to retake my strength by letting go of any negative feelings. And more than ten years later, we have a good working relationship for our daughter."

Now, Janice shares her experience with other women, acting as a voice for those who can't speak for themselves. "You can't counsel unless they want to be counseled," says Janice. "But through educating ourselves and using our resources, we can get out of abusive situations."